School System

Teaching is communication.  The quality of our teaching is very much dependent upon the quality of our communication skills.  I am not saying you can’t teach without being an effective communicator.  I am saying you cannot teach effectively and you and your students will suffer.  The quality of our teaching does not rest with the student, but rather with the teacher.  It is very easy to make the student the problem.  I am not saying they aren’t a challenge, but what I am saying is that whenever we make "the other" the problem we put the solution out of our control.  We always need to own our share of the communication.  It does no good to say “they” will not listen or speak to me. We cannot control what “they” do.  We can control our communication skills.

The first key to any effective communication is rapport.  Our ability to get and keep rapport will determine the quality of our communication.  Without rapport you have no foundation for effective communication.  Rapport is the ability to give the other person the experience that you understand and care about what he is saying and how he feels.   You cannot read minds, however, you can give him the experience that you understand and care.  This is not faking it.  You do need to care and endeavor to come to understand his perspective on things.  No one likes being told that you know exactly how he feels or what he is thinking. It is demeaning.  Everyone likes people to show true interest and care enough to learn about who they are.  This is especially true when we make them feel safe in the process.  Do nothing until you get rapport or you are wasting time, and you will not get positive results.  Everyone wants rapport. Learning how to get rapport and keep it is one of the most valuable teaching skills you will ever learn.   Sadly, it is a skill that is highly underrated, if even appreciated.

A real factor in truly effective teaching and getting and keeping rapport is our flexibility.  In any interaction it is the one with the most flexibility who is in control of the communication.   Flexibility is our ability to see things from many perspectives.  So, the more ways we can look at things, the more behavioral options we have.  When communication gets blocked or shut down it is often because each party has come to their limits of flexibility and rapport.