Family Life

The family is the very foundation of society. That being the case, it is easy to understand how the weight of our society is putting the family under great pressure. We see the effects of this pressure in the ever rising divorce rate, parents and children growing apart, increasing drug, child, and spousal abuse.  Here again, communication plays a vital role.  A large factor in the quality of our family life is the quality of our communication.  Issues and conflicts with our values, beliefs, and identity are all rooted in incongruent communication.  This means incongruent communication with others in our life but also incongruence within ourselves.  If we don't know what we want, how can others know?  Plus, how can we know the direction our life should go if we have not made that determination?

The relationships we have with our mates and children are always changing, growing, and developing. Our family deserves our love and time.  We need to learn how to make those times meaningful occasions together.  Do you know what your spouse wants out of life?  Do you know what your children want out of life?  Have you asked?  Have you listened?  Do you know how to ask and listen?  Remember, we are always communicating with our family, and by that communication we are contributing to our family life either improving or deteriorating.

Co-dependence

Co-dependence is, in reality, trying to get our needs met through manipulating other people's behavior.  We believe and tell everyone  we are doing it for them.  It is like the boy scout that helps  the little old lady across the street only to find she was heading in a different direction.  Who was he really trying to please?  If it was the little old lady, he would have asked her where she was going, but  he used her as an opportunity to demonstrate his own value. 

It is better if we learn to internally satisfy our need for self worth.  As soon as we try to establish our value through someone else it is out of our control.  We have to control them or we are out of control.  We get scared; they get manipulated, and no one is happy.

Husbands & Wives

Husbands and Wives have the most complex of all relationships.  Their relationship is the foundation for the family.  When their relationship struggles the ripple effects are experienced through the family.  Quality communication is especially important here because the effects are magnified. Learning each other's communication style is essential. 

Children

Children need and deserve our love and attention.  There has been a popular phrase coined today about quality time rather than quantity.  Well, the meal can really be great quality food but if it is a skimpy serving I'm still going to be hungry.  What your kids want more than anything is your loving attention, lots of quantity and quality.  They want to be loved and understood.  If our internal values are in conflict with this, we will have trouble.  In other words, if we think buying them "stuff" will replace us, think again.  Is it any wonder that they would rather play video games than sit and talk at a meal together?  We will reap what we sow.  Now, we may have some conflicts with our values, our self worth, and what constitutes quality family time,  but we can learn to adjust.  We might say our kids don't want to talk with us,  but what messages have we been sending them?  Have we worked to be a parent with whom they want to communicate?

Family Counseling

I do family sessions where we can explore couples and other family issues, heal family relations and improve communication.  How would you describe your family relationships?  Do you have quality communication with your spouse and children?  When you or someone else points out to you your car is making a noise.  Is it not better to tend to it before you break down?  Have you or some else noticed “noises” in your family?  Why not tend to them before a break down.  They just don’t go away. Family break downs are far more devastating than car problems. Give me a call.